Saturday, June 14, 2003

 

the last friday night...

tears before bedtime...except i didnt cry, i dont feel sad at all but perhaps it will hit me in september when i do not start another term and i will realise i am no longer a student and keele university is no longer my home. How strange that the place i so desperately wanted to leave in the first year (my room looked and felt like a prison cell for goodness sake!!) could become my home. I had a really good evening and at the end we all sat on the floor and demanded more...Emma and i were determined that even if no one else sat down and banged there feet on the floor we would...we even discussed chaining ourselves to the rails at the front if they didnt play more music. Afterwards people gathered outside the union and cried and generally acted very drunkenly.

I stood at the fire escape looking out at the area behind the union and watched a man feed a group of feral cats before letting a dog out of a car, tying a length of rope around its neck and taking it for a walk. The dog bounced happily along at his side as he disappeared behind the boiler room. Later when i looked out again man and dog (and car) were gone; occasionaly a cat wandered out from the trees before slinking away.

I watched the people around me...crying, dancing, laughing, sleazing....this was my final night, these were my finalists...i wanted to see their reactions.

I have a degree..2:1...BSc Hons....it doesn't feel real...

it doesn't mean anything to me yet and i'm not sure it ever will...i really do focus on reaching the goal but once i'm there i need another aim and so i am applying for a job and the degree is fading in my mind already (although i know it is important for my goals)..................

Perhaps it has all just been a bit of an anticlimax for me...perhaps i am just feeling numb now and i need time for it all to sink in.

posted by Brianne 2:46 am

Thursday, June 12, 2003

 

i wandered off yesterday at the cu barbecue and caused a domestic between my 'parents'.......hee hee.............
the lake is a mess, it looks tired and misused...........i stood alone and stared into the water for a whie looking for signs of life...

i came across such a beautiful tree yesterday......so intricate......i think i could have stayed with it all evening finding new things about it to take my breath away. its branches entwined each other so lovingly and other branches seemed to twist so violently up to the sky........showering down, twisting round at the bottom....must not touch the ground.........i was enchanted.....i wanted the others to see how beautiful it was but i think they would have laughed (kindly) and missed what i wanted them to see........i suppose it is just a tree but i loved it.

Then i heard Rachel shouting so i went back...but i didn't want to go back inside, i wanted to stay outside and want the sky grow darker and the stars come out.....i love watching the twilight give way to night......it seems the sky tries to hold onto the light by a thread......everything is so still but you can feel that thread tremble...and snap...and night is here.

Esther, Rachel and I laid out under the sky in our sleeping bags with a candle a box of chocolates (only eat those ones and don't eat them all now - Rach). There were no stars, it was too cloudy. I watched bats and moths and the flashing lights of planes fly over my head and we talked, and laughed and sang. Esther and Rachel saucered and Rachel and I try to remember the words to musicals (morbid sorrows i tell you!!!!).

posted by Brianne 9:53 am

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

 

last night was fun...sitting on a patch of grass swigging sparkling wine from a bottle (classy i know) and quickly eating a picnic before laughing at the antics of puck and foolishness of bottom. I had a good time with my mum and we had a much needed talk.

It has started to rain quite heavily and i have been watching the fat raindrops collect and slide down my window, they look so beautiful, good enough to drink. I love the sound of the rain on my window, it is so comforting to sit inside in the warm and watch the rain...all i need now is a good book and a glass of wine.

posted by Brianne 6:18 pm

 

what is it with so many people loving a particular brand of electrical appliance?

posted by Brianne 6:12 pm