Sunday, May 02, 2004

 

I went to the kent craft show today at Penshurst with my mum and sue. i had not planned to, i had planned to escape my crazy family this weekend but there i was and i'm glad i went. i just enjoyed myself and did not worry for a few hours (i woke up this morning and the first thing i thought was application forms!!). I drank cider danced like a lunatic to some tunes from an accordion (no one else was dancing unfortunately), ate a lot of food at the picnic later and almost spent all the money i had earnt yesterday on an irish flute (damn i wish i had, it was beautiful!! mwah!). I got in a conversation with sue and mother about the relationships between men and women and dominance (a theme that keeps cropping up in conversations i have and it's not my fault). My mother seems to think that through her advice during my childhood that i have come to mistrust men and wont give anyone a chance. i don't think she realises that if it comes to it that i am happy on my own, that i have very much my own way of doing things and that i could never respect a man i could crush under heel. I want to respect my future husband and i dont want him to crush me; if i can only truly be myself by being single then i shall be always uno. and when it comes to trust, does she not remember the child who hated and didn't not trust humans but only felt she could trust the nature of animals? i have a come a long way since those days. i still remember the many conversations in which she despaired that i could ever get over my bitterness and trust again. i remember packing up a bag to run away, throwing the bag over my shoulder and putting a cat under each arm holding one in each hand and trying to work out how i was going to hold onto the dog's lead. where i thought i could possibly go where i would not have to suffer any human contact? i don't know. But i am not that girl anymore although sometimes i think i should get in touch with her occassionally so that i could remember some of her passion and commitment.

posted by Brianne 7:43 pm