Sunday, July 13, 2003

 

I had a strange dream a couple of nights ago and Est, Lam and Amy were in it (appearing in my dreams, i can't seem to get rid of them).I was most perplexed by a scene with a dog and seat belts, not quite sure what that was about. I was sitting in the back of a car with amy and lam and a dog sat down beside me and laid his head in my lap. The driver turned around and told me to make sure the dog was secure but when i tried to put a seat belt around the dog (who puts a seat belt on a dog???) the driver told me not to because that used to be the dogs designated seat belt but now it was too tight and would hurt the dog. So then i hold the dog close instead. The driver warns me that one of the seat belt clasp thingys (whatever they are called) was so placed that it might stab into the dog where he lay and i had to make sure he didn't get hurt. Later in the dream Lam, Amy, est and i go out and we are sitting in this pub garden very late at night and groups of men keep walking in and out of this place and we somehow know they are dangerous (*hissssssss gringa hee hee*). We decide we need to get away so i run to the car and get in the back. The dog is still there and once again the driver warns me about the seat belt etc. I'm holding the dog and i'm happy that the dog is sitting with me but the driver turns around and says "well now the dog is here aren't you going to speak to him?" and i'm at a loss, i look at the dog and i try to speak but i can't (would the dog have spoken back? was i dreaming of talking dogs? o dear). The other thing was that the seat belt that used to be the dogs but was now too tight had the dogs name on it. but i knew the name and it was the name of someone i knew, so why was my friend represented by this dog in the dream? and what was all that seat belt stuff about?

If anyone reads this blog i apologise for having to read about the strange goings on in my head.

Tomorrow i leave for guatemala and i feel very excited and a little scared. I have been thinking of all the things i'm going to see and do...and i am worrying about what may go wrong? Do i have everything i need? do i have enough money? will amy and i be safe? will we get there safely? will we get back safely? do my parents mind? am i being a bad daughter running off for 7 weeks? i don't know. I'm sure once i get there all these worries will evaporate. but i would appreciate the prayers of my friends that everything goes ok on my placement and that amy and i are safe.

posted by Brianne 3:28 pm

Thursday, July 10, 2003

 

I'm sitting in flat W26 all alone on my last night at Keele. The flat is bare and dusty and every sound echoes around me. It is pitch black outside there are no lights from other blocks twinkling back at me. I am all packed up and i am sad. I seem to have a heavy weight on my heart and no matter how i look at it and prod it it doesn't seem to want to move. Where did all the time go? I have so many memories but is there really three years worth? Arriving at Hawthorns, sitting alone in my room crying thinking i must be the only person feeling homesick hating myself for my weakness. So a bad start but things changed and i met some wonderful people and i love you all so much wherever you are now and i am gonna miss you like crazy. I will miss the laughter, the blondness, the anger, tears, walks to keele service station, pianothons, coffee on the sofa, late night trips to tescos, madly dancing through the flat to the tune of the dirty dancing soundtrack.....it's been fun and come september a new era shall begin and we will make some new memories. But it wont be the same and i know that's a good thing. I hate that this is the end but i know it's time to move on and there is a whole world out there full of opportunities (why am i staying in stoke?).

See ya on the other side ;)

posted by Brianne 10:17 pm

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

 

Yesterday i graduated and it finally sank in that we are leaving...I don't want to go. I have lots of happy memories (and some not so happy ones) and i met wonderful people (and some crazy people - not naming any names esther).

I am going to hold off entering the big wide world by going to costa rica for the summer but how long can i hold off that inevitable slap on the butt by the big hand of reality? Will it be as soon as i step off that plane in gatwick? when i move into a new home (without a job to pay for the rent), or when i start looking for work? Who knows, for now i shall enjoy today (preparations for grad ball) and ignore thursday knocking at the door.

posted by Brianne 9:28 am